New Moms are Crazy (Sorry New Dads)

Here is a picture of our family's sleep cycles when Jane was 8-10 months old.

There were some good nights. There were many bad nights. 

I kind of boxed myself into a hard place. Jane would only nurse. No bottles. And I used nursing as my #1 go to soothing device. So Matt was rendered kind of helpless.

 But no matter what I thought when it was 4 am and she'd been up for hours, I did eventually get to her got to sleep. Call me Super Mom.

Trying to drive in rush hour traffic with a car full of monkeys screaming, playing cymbals, pouring water on your head, and pulling your hair. It can be done but it does make you go a little crazy after a while.

Snuggling a bunny in a cozy (bug-free) meadow in a fancy dress and you magically have long beautiful hair. In a word it's: Divine

Finding Contentment as a Mom: Ending My Love Affair with Sleep

Here in chronics my love affair with sleep and all the obstacles that come between us.

Not getting enough sleep makes it very very easy to become discontent. It's nearly impossible to break free from the crazy thought cycle.

"I'm so tired. I've never been this tired. She's never going to sleep."

"My head hurts so bad. This is the worst."

"I'm all alone in this. No one helps."

"I'm just so tired and my head hurts. I can't think of anything else."

But none of these things are 100% true. And it doesn't do to dwell on the problems. She will sleep again. My head will ease up. I will sleep again. I won't always feel this tired. I have so much help.

These are truths but they don't lent themselves to a good pity party.

Just to be clear, I love being a mom. It's the best. But the lack of sleep is a nightmare at first. It takes intentional emotional training to stop seeing sleep as the most important thing. It helps as baby gets older. But a missed nap or a late bedtime can still wreck emotional destruction if I'm not careful. But as I believe Daniel Tiger says  "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."

I've had to give up at least 3 sleep hours to write this post and each time I felt a little crazy. What am I doing giving up sleep? But here is the thing: If I sleep when she sleeps I feel a little better but I feel lazy and I wasted time when I could have been getting chores done. If I don't sleep when she sleeps I'm productive but soo tired. There is no win, I don't think. Motherhood is just tiredness, at least this stage. Accepting that allows contentment. 
It is what it is.